I want to play all day!
The flute that is! I am seriously addicted to practising, it's like once I start, I do not want to stop, and I always practise until the very very last minute before I really got to leave home to teach tuition. Now I can finally understand how music students can practise 7, 8 hours a day. If I had my way, I will gladly (and easily) do that too! Nowadays, my life revolves around the flute, and my schedule basically involves arranging everything else in a way such that I maximize my time for practising. Everything I do, I do it for the music. Exercise regularly? To keep fit for the flute of course. Eat well and drink a lot of water? Well if I fall sick I cannot practise right? Crazy but true.
Even when I am out, I am forever thinking about the flute. How can I get that kind of sound? How should I adjust my embouchure? Maybe I can try this instead of that? Even when I am teaching tuition, I am only paying like 10% of my attention to the student (well that's more than enough for secondary school/junior college work), and I will divert the rest of my brain thinking about...music of course! Multi-tasking FTW!
Seriously, I guess when it comes to something I am passionate about, I am THAT obsessive. If I want to do something, I either put in 110% heart and soul, or I don't do it at all. There is a friend of mine who is even more hardcore than me. She is studying for her music masters in UK now (she graduated with a bachelor in ENGINEERING), and in addition to her normal modules, she is taking extra modules to catch up on undergrad work, spend almost all her free time practising and doing readings, while living alone and having to do all the household chores herself. I have nothing but the utmost respect for her courage, perseverance and determination, and she has been a constant source of inspiration to me for years already. But I can totally understand why she is willing to undergo all these; I will definitely do the same too. I guess this is something only musicians will understand: to us, music is everything, it is for life, and there is nothing else which matters.
Next up, I intend to start a series entitled, "On Playing The Flute". I want to collect my thoughts and observations about flute playing as they come along, and share it with everyone. I guess it can be interesting to other flautists and musicians, or just some alternative reading for everyone I suppose. So...stay tuned!
Even when I am out, I am forever thinking about the flute. How can I get that kind of sound? How should I adjust my embouchure? Maybe I can try this instead of that? Even when I am teaching tuition, I am only paying like 10% of my attention to the student (well that's more than enough for secondary school/junior college work), and I will divert the rest of my brain thinking about...music of course! Multi-tasking FTW!
Seriously, I guess when it comes to something I am passionate about, I am THAT obsessive. If I want to do something, I either put in 110% heart and soul, or I don't do it at all. There is a friend of mine who is even more hardcore than me. She is studying for her music masters in UK now (she graduated with a bachelor in ENGINEERING), and in addition to her normal modules, she is taking extra modules to catch up on undergrad work, spend almost all her free time practising and doing readings, while living alone and having to do all the household chores herself. I have nothing but the utmost respect for her courage, perseverance and determination, and she has been a constant source of inspiration to me for years already. But I can totally understand why she is willing to undergo all these; I will definitely do the same too. I guess this is something only musicians will understand: to us, music is everything, it is for life, and there is nothing else which matters.
Next up, I intend to start a series entitled, "On Playing The Flute". I want to collect my thoughts and observations about flute playing as they come along, and share it with everyone. I guess it can be interesting to other flautists and musicians, or just some alternative reading for everyone I suppose. So...stay tuned!
Beset by self-doubt
It seems that the more I practise, the less confidence I have in my playing. During these few months of practising, I have become acutely aware of my own playing, and I can hear SO MANY inadequacies. I cannot even achieve simple things like playing evenly from the lowest to the highest notes...ok granted, that isn't simple at all, but still, as someone hoping to turn professional one day, I feel that is like the BARE MINIMUM I have to be at this moment. It is like...so basic. I hope I can at least reach that before the audition.
I am also constantly thinking about my own playing, and I wish I can do nothing but just practise everyday. It doesn't help that I can't do that because I need go out and teach tuition, and I haven't been sleeping well at all thus I am far from being in optimum physical state to play my best. When I hear recordings of great flute-playing, how I wish I can play like that someday, and after that I will feel very discouraged and start questioning myself if I can even reach HALF of that standard. I have so many things I need to work on, and it seems like the more I practise, the worse I sound. I cannot help but doubt if I am really good enough for this.
I am also constantly thinking about my own playing, and I wish I can do nothing but just practise everyday. It doesn't help that I can't do that because I need go out and teach tuition, and I haven't been sleeping well at all thus I am far from being in optimum physical state to play my best. When I hear recordings of great flute-playing, how I wish I can play like that someday, and after that I will feel very discouraged and start questioning myself if I can even reach HALF of that standard. I have so many things I need to work on, and it seems like the more I practise, the worse I sound. I cannot help but doubt if I am really good enough for this.
No comments:
Post a Comment